My Life here…
Thursday, March 13th, 2008Pejam celik,pejam celik…dah hampir 5 bulan aku kt sini….
Alhamdullilah aku dah selamat sampai kt Amsterdam , 5//11/2007 kul 5 lebih pagi..waktu malaysia kul 1petang…then terus travel ke Rotterdam lebih kurg 40 minit dr Schipol Airport, Amsterdam…so..tersadailaa aku kat sini…bak kata senior aku..a new chapter of my life begin…rasa macam xpercaya je dah tinggalkan Msia…seram+sejuk+nervous+takut seme ade..tp bila dgr suara mak aku dlm phone..sejuk skit ati…alhamdullilah mak aku pun makin sihat..tp bla..teringat aku dgn kucing aku Yoda yg kejar aku smpi depan pintu pagar masa aku nak pi…meleleh gaklaa airmata….xtau nak kata sebaknya mcm mana….bila dh sorg2 mcm ni….rindunyaaaa kt Msia…
experience kt sini so far interesting and psl discrimination towards religion mmg ade..esp to Muslim laa….kt sini rmi Muslim esp from Middle east..half of their populations…and for Dutch …muslim kt sini bwk problem laa etc…and i did debated about this dgn org yg in-charge relocation aku kt sini….aku suh dia bg example laa ape yg problem sgt..tergagap2 nak carik example..which he gave kinda stupid examples…he is a good man actually tp mmg gilerr laaa leh tensen dgn serangan2 mengutuk org islam and throw it directly to my face…esp about terrorism…and yg plg aku ingat…"Not all muslim are terrorist but all terrorist are muslims"…itu yg dia ckp…takkan aku nk diam jer …geram siut…aku dh agak dh akan dh akan jd mcm ni.dia bole ckp takut aku akan kena discriminate kt sini sbb aku pki tudung…which he wished I wont..tp dia yg dh discriminate aku….what the hell..i dont care…sibuk suh bukak tudung ..hahha…bila blk and time sembahyang meleleh gak air mata aku…sedihlaa sebenarnya tp bila pk2 aku patut lg kuat laa..sbb aku ade Allah utk aku mengadu…doakan aku kt sini…life is really tough here….tp like I said to that man, not all muslim are terrorist and to me not all ppl here discriminate muslim…maybe I’ve met the ONE already…takpe laa good experience so next time i can face yg org yg lebih mencabar lg…hahaha…but after all i find dutch people very nice…kind and concern…sgt menjaga welfare pekerja and rakyat mereka…which i find it kt msia pun xmcm tu…
so far my life was great..good job..experience… l luv my job…kinda challenging for me…but the thing i like here is flexible working hours (sebab kt msia selalu aku dtg lmbt =p) ehehe…kt sini dtg anytime and blk anytime asalkn cukup working hours…be independent….everything was quite new and all my collegues here were very kind and concern about me…i hv a great friends around me too..msian frens..they were very nice…esp Rozie & Is with their cute baby Aiman…Uncle Joe..Kak Nina and her family…Farizah…and kwn2 kt Delft….i was really greatful to be surrounded with wonderful frens here….
i did have a chance to travel around europe…so far to Brussel with Rozie & Is and 2nd trip to Brussel again with my collegues from msia and also Kak Nina & her cousin, Siti…i’ve been to Germany to visit Sheena…and that was great..tq Sheena, i missed u already…i’ve been to Austria with Kak Nina&her family…tq kak nina for inviting me to that wonderful trip for skiing though i ski for only once and suffer from illness for the rest of one week trip..=P but that was fun and syukur dpt lihat keindahan bumi Austria…the beautiful mountain of Banjaran Alps yg dulu aku hanya dgr dr buku geografi tp alhamdullilah kerana aku dpt jejak kaki aku kt situ…syukur alhamdullilah…thanks to everyone around me here for sharing ur life with me…putting me into some space of ur life….
i am really greatful of my life here….but i did missed my life back then in msia…in fact i missed it very badly lately..i feel homesick…very muchhh…which i never had it before worst like this in my life…not even to compare the moment i gotten into school hostel when i was f1..being away as a student would be different then…surrounded by frens though u r away with family…actually i was away since i was 13 until the age of 22…i can survived…but being away alone in foreign country was really a big challenge for me…yeahh..xsama mcm jd student hvg roomates or housemates…i hv no one at home bila balik rumah…lonely and feeling blue…like no spirit and courage…hvg nice house but mcm xhidup…..rasa mcm tungul with no one to speak to…funny hah? but that was what i am facing now…bg org lain maybe its nothing…but for me…i lost 8kg since i’m here…no appetite to eat..frankly i dont eat good and healty food bcos if did cook its end up in the dustbin…i only eat very small portion from it….i know it is not good but i also dont know what am i going to do about it….
i really happy when anyone come and stay at my place…i feel alive when someone is here for me to share my loneliness…feel somebody around…last 3 weeks were great bila my collegues dr msia came and stay for some works at unimills….then i hv frens everytime i’m home….we cooked dinner together…borak2 time dinner….nak tau how was my dinner when i’m alone?? eheheh…depan tv, mkn sbb nk isi perut tp tasteless…sometime i eat once a day only…and i couldnt believe myself why and how i didnt feel any hunger….it was terrible..and i really hvg serious problem to manage myself here….i really missed my mom’s cooking and missed my home, cats and my cozy room in msia…i really missed hot and sunny day there compare tu dull, gloomy cold day here which really affect my health and emotion…i had enough winter…i cant stand the cold anymore…now i realize and appreciate what i have in msia….ya Allah, i cant wait to be back home to msia…
this few dayss really turned me to a mess…i didnt get to focus on my work due to my health and emotional-homesick problem…then my concern collegues come visited me today just to make sure i was okay and to listen to my problem…i was trully touched..in fact being homesick which for them are normal…and i shoudnt be shy about it..i shouldnt feel ashamed of letting my feeling out instead let it bottle up inside me….i reallized i have great friends around me here…and around the world….and actually i am not ALONE….whatever it is…i should not GIVING UP!!
i should be back to reality and managed myself in track again…i CAN DO it…and i wont let anybody down and dissapoint people who rely high hope on me….thank you for all who being there for me…no matter how i feel and suffer here, i will stay STRONG and because you all are my STRENGTH for me to stand up and face what would come in front of me……
please pray for me to stay in courage and strong enough to continue my life here…….
